Apr 2

Apr 2 Fun Facts - Monsters

Time for another list. I enjoy doing these, so this week, in honor of our Deep Dive on One-Shot Wonders, let's look at some monsters with a focus on the early editions in all their glory. (The format is a little different than the previous lists so I could add pictures)

Not exactly the most terrifying picture of the Tarrasque.

1 - The Tarrasque has been around since the 1st edition. To kill one in the early days, you had to knock it down to -30 hit points AND cast a wish spell on it. That wish better involves destroying every atom of its existence, or it will regenerate. And it won't be very happy with you.

2 - The Executioner jumps onto your head, strangling and suffocating you. Which is worse, I'm not sure. You can't pry it off, and if your friends hit the hood, they hit you instead. The only way to get it off is to keep pouring brandy onto it for four rounds. Then, the hood is drunk and slides off. (Monster Manual II, 1st edition)

3 - The Thork looks stork. It's not a Stork. It's essentially a giant copper teapot. But it's still a bird. A bird that can slurp up water, heat it in a round, then spit that boiling water into your face. It can only do this three times a day, after which it will swim away. Yes, a 9-foot tall copper stork can swim. (Fiend Folio, 1st edition)

4 -Early winner for the worst monster name is the Living Holocaust. Don't use the word Holocaust, especially when the creature is an elemental of air, fire, and evil that wants to burn living creatures alive. There's tasteless, and then there's this. (Fiend Folio, 2nd edition)

5 - The Morkoth may be the most unfortunate-looking creature from 1st edition, saying a lot. It lives underwater and is known as the wraith of the deep, which means you may never have to witness the bizarre-looking monster. There is no description given, but take a look at the picture. You try figuring out how to explain what it looks like. (Monster Manual, 1st edition)

6 -Winner for the monster that should be the next playable race in 5e; the Grippli. Many people, myself included, want to see a dog race sometime soon, but I'm not holding out hope. The Grippli are small (2 1/2 feet) frog-like creatures. They prefer small weapons like darts and can climb walls with ease. It feels like a Grippli monk would be fun to play. They first appear in the 1e Monster Manual II, and you can now find them in the 5th edition.

I think this Phoenix picture is the best of all the editions

7 -Want to play a creature with a ridiculous amount of spells that aren't trying to suck the marrow from your bones? Try the Phoenix from the 2nd edition. It can cast the following spells as a 20th level spellcaster: affect normal fires, audible glamer, blindness, blink, blur, call woodland beings, color spray, continual light, control temperature, dancing lights, detect charm, detect evil, detect magic, duo-dimension, find traps, find the path, fire charm, fire seeds, incendiary cloud, invisibility, misdirection, neutralize poison, polymorph self, produce fire protection from evil, pyrotechnics reincarnate, remove fear, remove curse, snake charm, veil, wall of fire. As a 40th level caster, you can cast: dismissal, dispel evil, dispel magic. Yes, you can cast spells at the 40th level in 3e. Take that 5th edition Phoenix. (Monstrous Manual, 2nd edition)

8 -The Carrionette can be found on the Demiplane of the Dead. They are evil marionettes with a taste for blood and sharp little pointy weapons attached to a silver cord. A Carrionette will aim for your arms or legs, but they do no damage on a hit. Big deal, right? Well, fail your saving throw when they hit you with one of those tiny spears or arrows, and you are paralyzed. Paralyze a leg, and you move at half speed. Hit the other leg, and you're immobilized.

It gets even better because Pinocchio will stab you in the neck when you can't move or are asleep. You'reYou're going all Freaky Friday, switching bodies. A Carrionette can scurry up walls and cat ventriloquism at will to make them even creepier. I don't know about you, but my nightmares will suck tonight. (Ravenloft Monstrous Compendium Appendix 3, 2nd edition)

9 - Runner up to the Morkloth is the Dimensional Warper. It gets a description, and I'm not sure I'm happy it did.

You have to be on ALOT of drugs to come up with this.

A dimensional warper has a snake-like body and stands on two long, thin legs. Its long, thin, flexible arms each end in one hooklike claw. There is a sturdy, wing-like membrane that stretches between the arms and legs, ending at the claws and feet, respectively. These ""wings"" are not used for flight. The warper'swarper's head is bald and earless. It has large, round eyes with cat-like pupils. The creature stands about 6 feet tall and has a wingspan of about 5 feet. It is covered in a thick, leathery hide and has a long lizardlike tail.

There is nothing like fighting a…whatever this is, that can also cast enlarge and time stop. (Monstrous_Compendium Forgotten Realms Appendix, 2nd edition)

10 - We end this list with one of my favorite 1st edition creatures, the Thought Eater. This fun guy made it to the 3rd edition before it faded away. It looks like a platypus that hasn't eaten in a week. The Thought Eater floats through the Ethereal Plane and sucks the Intelligence from you until you drop dead. Barbarians should have too much to worry about, but wizards should stay far away. (Monster Manual, 1st edition)

Let me know what monsters you love. Who knows, maybe we’ll do a Deep Dive on them!

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