Dec 10

Dec 10 For Love of the Game

We started Dump Stat three years ago. I had no idea it had been that long until Stephen commented about it. I was a little surprised. What started off as a vague idea to do in our free time has morphed into something close to a real job. It's not like we are getting paid, and what money we make goes right back into whatever we are working on.

I realized I had written one article every week for the Player's Perspective section. I had somehow produced 156 posts. Some were good, others not so much, but I can honestly say I put the effort in for 99% of them. Stephen has written the same for The GM's Always Right. Then add in our Deep Dives and the weekly stuff for our Patreon we've written, umm, carry the two…let's just say it's a lot. It got me thinking about why I do this to myself every week, and my brain went to a conversation with my daughter and what came from it.

Love & Greatness

"I want to be good at something."

This was the constant refrain from my daughter Claire growing up. Being her Dad, I would always answer that she's good at many things; riding a bike, writing stories, playing board games. As parents, this is what we do. We see the things that kids do well that they cannot see themselves. Telling a kid that they did an excellent job on something goes a long way in building their self-esteem. Of course, everyone is terrible at just at tasks/activities/jobs they will attempt in their lives, and kids are no different. We comfort them by saying those little platitudes like "I'm proud of your for trying" or "You did your best, and that's what matters." I’m not a fan of participation trophies or fake praise, but it's not like you should tell them they sucked and never try again. This time, however, it was different.

"I know that, Dad. But I want to be really good at something. Like really, really good. I need to find a thing I’m that good at."

She was visibly frustrated, and the tone in her voice relayed a sense of sadness and anger. Here's where it gets tricky for a parent because there are many things to unravel in such a simple statement. What brought this on? What constitutes really good? How can I make this happen? Now was one of the countless times I wished kids came with a manual. In case you were wondering, they don't. So you blindly wander through eighteen years trying to figure out everything from how to get them to sleep when they are a baby to the overwhelming terror and nervousness when they get their driver's license. What I said in my article about my struggles with addiction applies to parenting. There is no finish line, no giant trophy waiting for you, and in case, no time that you aren't worried about them.

We talked, and I discovered the root of the issue, which, of course, was impossible for me to fix. We've lived in the same house for 17 years, on a great street in a nice neighborhood. There are two girls on our block the same age and they have known each other since they were 2 years old, whom I’ll call J&M. They always got along, played together, had sleepovers, and so on. High school has changed that dynamic, as the two girls hang out with a different group than Claire. It happens, and the reason is simple. They are both athletes, and she is most definitely not. Unfortunately for Claire, she got stuck with my utter lack of athletic prowess.

Now when I say athletes, I mean good athletes. Both are being scouted by colleges as sophomores. Both play on ultra competitive club teamsM plays volleyball, playing on varsity this year on a very good team. J plays soccer and basketball. There is no sport she doesn't excel at. In middle school Claire played softball and the team was short a player for a game. J happened to be at school and was recruited for one game. She went 3 for 3 with two singles and a double and threw out a runner at third. She'd never played softball before. Ever. It was crazy. She started high school varsity soccer as a freshman and was this year's leading scorer. He’s also the starting point guard for the girl’s basketball team. Even as little kids, they both excelled in their respective sports, with Claire watching the entire time.

So Claire set off to try and find the thing she was good at. She tried anything that she could. We did gymnastics. We played softball. We played tennis. We tried writing stories. We got into the theater. When she was 12, she started doing special effects makeup for a while. My wife and I thought she was good at this. She put in a lot of time, practiced her art every day, and we happily spent the money needed . She had done the makeup for a school theater production which drew good reviews. She did the makeup and costumes for her and her little brother for GenCon. It was crazy how many people stopped us asked if they could take pictures and comment on how amazing they were. The problem was that when she was 14, she lost interest in it. It wasn't her thing. As she told me, she was good at it, but doing makeup just wasn't fun anymore.

There it was, the magic word. Fun. To be truly great at something, you have to have some natural talent, put in a lot of work, practice and time. But if what you're doing isn't fun, then is it truly worth doing? Sticking with the sports theme, his chances of becoming a professional athlete are tiny, like under 1% low. Parents can have a crazy laser focus on their kid's sport. You can play any sport year-round now, hire private coaches, and practice every day. It's no wonder, so many kids get burnt out. Once your love for something is stripped away, your passion diminishes. It's now a chore, and you can start to dread the prospect of another game.

Claire had figured out the key to finding her thing. This may not be word for word what she said, but it's stuck with me.

If what you're doing stops being fun, it wasn't your thing. Being good at something isn't enough. Fun is super important. When you find something you are good at and love it, you try to be the best, but it's ok if you’re not.

Are you kidding me? It's a massive ego blow when you realize your 14-year-old is more intelligent than you.

So after writing over 150 articles, am I the best at it? Not even close. Like not even in the same universe as some people I follow. I'm not even the best here at Dump Stat. Stephen amazes me with the topics he writes about and how good they consistently are. His content is the reason we've had close to a million visitors this year. And that's ok. Even after three years, I love doing this. I love fantasy roleplaying games and being able to write about them. It drives me crazy sometimes, makes me want to pull my hair out, and can be frustrating as hell. That's part of loving something. I'll never be the best, but I love it, so I can say I've found my "thing."

I would be remiss if I didn't mention that Claire found hers too. One of the teachers in junior high started a debate team. He approached her and asked her to join. Once she found out it's essentially informed arguing, she was in. It was an essential part of her high school selection process. When she got to high school, it was the team she hunted down during orientation and joined the Speech and Debate team immediately.

I knew nothing about high school speech and debate. It's treated like a sport but with a whole less funding or hoopla than football, baseball, soccer, and every other athletic team. After the first couple of debates, Claire made varsity. Her primary focus is Lincoln Douglas (LD) debate. In a nutshell, it's going one on one on such topics as "are drones ethical" or "should it be a universal right to people unconditionally strike." While she didn't qualify for the state tournament in this division, her coach suggested switching to extemporaneous speech, where you give a speech on a topic you have a 1/2 hour to prepare. After qualifying - she only needed to compete in a couple Speech tournaments given her debate work - it was off to state competition.

She won.

She went to nationals made the second round as a freshman with a total of 3 speech tournaments under her belt. Her goal is to qualify for nationals in LD. So far, she's placed 2nd, 2nd, and 5th in this year's competitions, so it's looking pretty good.

The best part is when Claire talks about debate. Research is exciting, and she enjoys writing her argument. She stays after school to help freshmen. It frustrates the hell out of her that that team gets little to no support or acknowledgment. She's excited about her matches. I know this since she happily gets up at 5:30 am to travel 3 hours for an all-day tournament on a Saturday.

So yeah, I'd say Claire found what she’s been looking for

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