The Dark Bean - A Magic Item
Something I’ve been working on is a series of magic items, each with a background or story. Why, you may ask? I find the current state of magical items abysmal. Outside of artifacts, you get a description of what the item does, and that’s it. Even artifacts provide scant information to the GM and player about where they came from, how they were used, etc.
It used to be that magic items, or at least a lot of them, had a little something about them before we got into the mechanics of what they do. It was fun, and I think it added to the excitement of receiving said item. So in that spirit, here’s the story of the Dark Elixir of the Roasted Bean, or as we know it, coffee beans.
Dark Elixir of the Roasted Bean
Potion, common
Bards are a notoriously annoying lot, and Stephen is no exception. But we must give credit where credit is due (I suppose) for while his skills with the lute were, let’s say, marginal at best, his discovery of coffee beans has made him famous throughout the known planes. He’s also responsible for creating a world full of caffeine addicts and countless others you should never speak to before they have their morning coffee. Without further ado, the legend of Stephen, Master of the Bean.
Stephen the Bard was many things: handsome (in his opinion), charming (debatable), and utterly fed up with the adventuring life (unquestionable). He had sung songs of valor in countless taverns, written songs of love that make even the most stoic person weep, and had a disturbingly large number of kobold groupies. Yet still, Stephen felt uninspired.
“I’m a creative genius trapped in a loop of mediocrity,” he often lamented, staring into his breakfast mug of lukewarm goat’s milk. “Another ballad about slaying goblins? Originality at its finest.”
One fateful day, while crossing a small mountain range with a small group of troubadours on the way to yet another tavern gig, Stephen stumbled upon it.
The party had stopped to rest, and Stephen, keen to avoid anything resembling small talk with this dimwitted lot, wandered off. (They didn’t think much of him either) There, amidst the lush greenery of the mountainside, he discovered a strange bush laden with glossy, red berries. Intrigued and bored in equal measure, Stephen plucked a berry, rolled it around in his fingers, and sniffed it.
“Smells earthy. Mysterious. Possibly poisonous. Perfect.” He bit into it, grimacing at the bitter taste. “Oh, delightful. Nature’s cruel joke.”
Stephen’s nearly crushed soul flickered to life, and a sense of innovation and creativity stirred. Rather than toss the offending berries away, he carried them back to camp and, after some experimentation involving fire, water, and a questionable amount of guesswork, he produced a dark, steaming liquid.
The rest of his companions, having long moved away from him and the acrid burnt smell his experiments were producing, were surprised when the aroma of something extraordinary wafted in the air. They looked to find Stephen perched on a rock, sipping from a small ceramic cup he had somehow produced.
Looking up, Stephen could see the question in their eyes. He took a long, exaggerated sip, sighed deeply, and said, “My dear friends, this fine beverage is enlightenment in liquid form. I call it… coffee.”
“Tastes like burnt dirt,” one said after he offered them all a cup. The rest of his fellow travelers all nodded in agreement.
“It’s complex,” Stephen said, a faint smile of bliss on his lips. “You wouldn’t understand.”
Even after they all poured their ‘coffee’ onto the ground and walked away muttering about maybe being poisoned, Stephen didn’t care. He had found his calling.
Upon arriving at the next city, Stephen promptly sold everything he owned but the clothes on his back and the coffee beans he had foraged and used all the gold he had to set up The Laughing Bean, the Material Plane’s first artisan coffeehouse.
It was a hit.
Adventurers flocked to try the strange, bitter beverage that promised to keep them awake during stakeouts, vigils, and all-night treks through the dark forests. Stephen, clad in his leather apron when working behind the counter, became a local celebrity. He took great pleasure in crafting elaborate drinks and creating unique names for each of them. Stephen equally enjoyed critiquing his customers, his sarcastic wit adding to the charm of his shop.
“A triple espresso?” he scoffed at a young spellcaster, studying for their exams. “Are you sure you can handle that kid?”
“Can I get mine with sugar?” asked a nervous sorcerer.
“Absolutely not. If you want a dessert, the bakery is down the street.”
Of course, there were challenges. A warlock tried to curse him after being served decaf. An “import tax” had to be paid to the right people to ensure he got his beans. Then there were the kobold groupies, who hunted him down and spent all day in the coffeehouse, occupying half the tables. But Stephen handled it all with flair—and a whole lot of coffee.
This potion is found only in bottles made of tempered glass that are warm to the touch. The liquid itself varies in color, and small chunks of roasted beans can be seen resting on the bottom of the bottle.
Upon opening the bottle, tendrils of steam rise from it, releasing a pleasurable aroma that wafts from the bottle, featuring floral, nutty, and smoky notes. The beans will dissolve once the bottle is open, intensifying the color and aroma. There are four different and distinct types of this potion, all varying in taste, color, and aroma.
Acackia—Delicate in flavor, this elixir has a sweet, chocolatey flavor. You will detect some fruity notes that touch on caramel, apple, and red fruits like berries. It will have a smooth and slightly bitter taste. It is said that this is the preferred beverage of the Aarakocra.
Robusti—Offering a soil-like flavor, it is somewhat grainy, with tones of oak and bitterness. There is a jolt of peanut flavor accompanied by a strong aftertaste. The Yuan-ti consider this liquid to be a delicacy.
L'burica—This elixir is available in one of two flavors, depending on the consumer's preference. Most people will find it smokiness, with a nutty, woody flavor and a sneaky backbite. Those of a less refined palate have been known to tell of this elixir tasting like burnt hippogriff flesh. It is the second flavor profile that makes it the Bugbear's drink.
Excelza - This elixir is described as fruity and tart, with a dark aftertaste that lingers. Lizardfolk passionately cultivate the beans that produce this liquid.
When you drink this elixir, you gain the effect of the type of elixir consumed. The elixir will be very hot, and you need to wait one minute for it to cool. Any attempt to drink the potion before waiting will result in 1d4 fire damage, as it will burn your throat. The effects last for 1 hour, and each elixir imparts a distinct effect, as outlined below.
Effects
Arackia. You have Advantage on Dexterity (Acrobatics) check
Robusti. Your Speed increases by 5 feet.
L’burica. Magical effects and spells cannot put you to sleep.
Excalza. A number of temporary hit points equal to your Proficiency modifier.
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