Addiction and D&D - Understanding the Past
I’ve talked in the past about my recovery from drugs and alcohol, grognards, and how they relate to DND. Today, I was thinking about it, and I needed to talk about the idea of the two being similar in some ways. I got to thinking about this as I just celebrated 10 years of sobriety, and it's weird. While it seems like a long time in reality, it's not compared to how long I was drinking and using drugs. Usually, I don't think about my sobriety anniversary, but this was a relatively big one, so I got to thinking about how not drinking has been such a huge positive in my life and the things that helped me get through in the beginning. But it also stirred up memories of the past and the shit I dealt with.
While reviewing some old articles, I came across the one about grognards. Now, the term itself has a negative connotation, and again, as I stated in the previous article, I have no tolerance for gatekeepers and how the attitude of some older players is detrimental to the game. It doesn't mean all the old players are bad people. I’m not, and in fact, a majority of them are good people. They want to share the game. They like the fact that new people are playing, and some only play the earlier edition; they, in a way, keep the tradition of Dungeons & Dragons alive. Playing the first and second editions is what they feel comfortable with, and it keeps the game grounded to its roots. However, those old-time gatekeepers want to keep the games to themselves. They fear new people coming into the game and think they own the game. I cannot state this enough - it is the wrong attitude to take, but as I said in the previous article there is there are reasons why some feel this way.
How are the two related well in a lot of ways? In talking about my recovery, I talked about how D&D helped me get through the early stages of my sobriety. It provided me with a community that wasn't just Alcoholics Anonymous. Don't get me wrong. AA is a fantastic place for many people to help them remain clean and sober, and I am in no way saying that it is not. Before I went to rehab, I had dabbled in AA off and on for about 10 years. Some of it was court-mandated, some of it was not, but it didn’t resonate with me at the time. Part of it was because I didn't like the religious aspect, but another big part was how the old timers that had been around for a long time treated AA.
You see, the early days of AA were almost like a secret society. If you didn’t follow their rules, you weren’t doing it right, so why bother? We call those people step-nazis. Outside of the rooms, you didn't talk about your recovery. The whole process of staying sober was to be kept to yourself and the people in the rooms. You weren't encouraged to talk about it outside of the rooms. Nowadays, it is okay to share with people feel like if you want to. There's no requirement to talk about it. It's a very personal thing, so many people I know don't, and that's fine. I don't go screaming from the rooftops about my sobriety; however, I don't mind talking about it either, especially when it can help others.
Playing Dungeons and Dragons back in the 1980s was also something you kept quiet about. I know people talk about this a lot, and I'm sure there are plenty of people who don't believe it, but D&D was almost like a secret society back then. You did not share that you played outside the people you played with. I’m sure it wasn’t like this everywhere and for everyone, but I can honestly tell you that was my experience. It’s also part of why I stopped playing for such a long time - the hassle became so bad it wasn’t worth it to me anymore (THAC0 also played a part.) The verbal ridicule was bad enough, and there had been times when physical violence ensued when people discovered that my friends and I played the game.
Don’t believe me? Well, I have the concussions to prove it. It was a different time. Bullying wasn't considered bullying then. We were still in the “boys will be boys” era, so very little was done to stop it. Lots of the time, anyone deemed different by people in my age group would see it as a weakness and take advantage of it as an excuse to make fun of people like my friends and me. Of course, it didn’t help that was wasn’t the biggest kid, but I sure had the biggest mouth.
Therefore, we kept it quiet amongst ourselves, much like how people and Alcoholics Anonymous did not share the fact that where they were disappearing to for an hour or so once a day, or maybe once a week, was an AA meeting so that they could share their experiences with others like them. A D&D session private affair. It was a time when you could get together with your friends, share your experiences through roleplaying, and enjoy each other's company.
What drove this? Well, there were several reasons, but mostly, it was fear. The fear of being ostracized. Fear of being ridiculed. The fear of being shunned, of being stared and while they talked about you in whispers, and yes, of being beat up. When you're constantly scared, you withdraw. You stay away from everyone outside your bubble. And you fiercely protect yourself, your community, and what you do to get through life.
I know this can seem unbelievable to people today. We now live in a time where D&D is mainstream, and people talk openly about substance abuse and mental health. Please try to believe me when I say it was a different time. Both were viewed in a different way (ever heard the satanic panic? If not, we'll look it up.) Addiction meant you were weak-minded, and there was no reason you shouldn’t be able to stop.
Does it justify the grognards trying to keep people out? Fuck no, especially since they now target the ‘different’ people they were once considered. Does it justify the workplace harassment that still takes place because you go into treatment to try and deal with your addictions? Nope, cause even with the laws in place, it still happens.
I am so very happy the world has changed. Sadly, however, it hasn’t changed enough.
