The Hall Monitor

This is the second in the series of the types of players that can be found at any table in D&D. After doing some more research, I found a long list of different types of players at https://www.gamegrene.com/node/68. It’s a pretty long list and funny to read. I hope you enjoy it. (After you read this post of course)

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The Hall Monitor is my moniker for the person that follows the rules to a fault. Different names can be found for them, such as the rule follower, the guy that knows ALL the rules, and that annoying asshole I want to punch (ok the last one was mine). It’s that condescending tone they use when they inform us that the damage from your newly acquired weapon is 2d12, not 2d10 that makes me want to slap them stupid.

Before we go any further, if you haven’t already been able to tell, this is the type of player I hate the most. So if you get offended easily, this may not be the post for you. There is nothing wrong with knowing the rules. In fact, it really helps if you know the rules! But this kind of player really gets under my skin. Here’s why:

  1. You slow the game down. Your desperate attempt to explain to the DM and all of the rest of us sitting around the table how you are right about the number of hit dice the spell is, what you can and cannot do for a bonus action or why should be able to do an athletics check instead of a acrobatics check based on the description given in the PHB drags out any fight for way longer than it should take. The rest of us want to keep the game moving, not listen to you drone on.

  2. You’re not the DM. In my household, my daughter loves to tell her little brother what to do. My usual refrain to her is “you’re not the parent”. I really want to tell the player that “you’re not the DM”. If you want to follow the rules down to every last detail, either find a DM who plays that way, or shut the fuck up.

  3. Always playing a homebrew class. I have nothing against homebrew class types. Some of them are really interesting, and I’m looking forward to trying a couple of them down the road. But this guy will take The Blood Hunter just so he can manipulate the rules by looking for loopholes in the class description. It’s a total asshole move and we all know it. Most DMs will have a good discussion about the ins and outs of the character type prior to letting the player run with it. But that won’t stop him from arguing about what the class can do.

  4. Yeah but….. This is what really drives me crazy. Even when you are wrong, you won’t stop talking and trying to get your way. Don’t you know we now are looking at you and thinking “what a whiny little bitch”? JUST SHUT UP ALREADY. Man up, admit you are wrong, and move on. You don’t have to always be right. People get the rules wrong all the time. The DM is there to help us through these issues, not to be challenged about every little thing.

  5. Get a life. If you know that on page 137 in Xanathar’s Guide to Everything that the range of the Horn of Silent Alarm has a range of 600 ft and not 500 feet without having to open the book, you really need to get out more often. We bring the books, spell cards, apps to help us when we have questions. You need not memorize every little detail of everything in the D&D universe.

I try not to question the DM and his decisions. There is a distinct difference between asking a question, and questioning him. Show some goddamn respect. Literal translation of the rules is not how most DM’s play the game. Most play a RAI (Rules as Intended) style game. If you have a question, wait till after the session and have a discussion with the DM.

Stop being a dick in game, cause that’s how we view you.

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