Oct 29

Oct 29 Making Connections

Stephen and I talked the other day, trying to figure out how to increase our audience, especially our Patreon. We discussed restarting our podcast, No Int Here, which has been on hiatus since late 2019. It indeed was a labor of love. We had nowhere near the number of listeners to justify the time we spent putting the entire thing together, but we enjoyed doing it, stopping it mainly because I had throat cancer. Two years have passed, and Dump Stat has grown, so maybe the time is right. But it was something that Stephen said during that conversation that struck a chord with me.

I'm not sure we are truly engaging with people. Right now, we are just a resource. The podcast could help us make a more personal connection.

An innocuous statement, but it really hit home with me. You see, we do this because we love RPGs and are lucky enough to have the time to do what we do. We treat it like a job, producing regularly scheduled articles and content, setting deadlines (mostly meeting them), and always looking for ways to improve. We, like so many other creators out there, dream of having Dump Stat become a viable business. No, we don't expect to become rich and famous. We would like to hire a part-time artist for our creations, produce hard copies of our materials for sale, and who knows, maybe pay our respective phone and electric bills with the money we make. Everyone has a dream, right?

To have a chance of making that, we need to make more of a connection with our audience. Even if we don't reach as many people as the big-time creators, if we can engage with them personally, then a bond is formed. Does this mean they will shower us with money? Of course not. What it will do, however, is allow us to reach a person and make a difference with them. They, in turn, will hopefully tell others with whom we can make the same connection and so on and so forth. If just a tiny portion of those people contribute to our cause, we are one step closer to our goal. Yes, I know the biggest challenge of any company is as it grows, its ability to maintain that type of relationship with your clients/fans/contributors. Still, we aren't anywhere close to having that problem, so that's (hopefully) a discussion for a later time.

The subject also got me thinking about the connections I've made since I've started playing D&D again. Our table has had a couple of people come and go, but there have been a core group of 4 people for the most part. We are currently up to 6 people, with one person returning after a year's absence and the other has been a member for the better part of the past two years. We started off as a group of strangers who got together to play D&D once a week and are now all close friends. Two of them, Katie and Alex, are getting married! We hang out and do more than just play D&D and have gotten to know one another pretty well. Most importantly, of course, Stephen and I started Dump Stat. I consider myself extremely lucky that a simple D&D game developed into this, but this story isn't unique by any means.

This doesn't mean that everything is perfect, we're going to be lifelong friends, and every D&D session is fantastic. Our latest campaign is struggling to get off the ground. We've been plodding along and it feels like we have accomplished much. You see, as people, we have formed strong interpersonal connections, but so far, our characters have not. Does that seem strange to you? It shouldn't. Our characters are not us. Each of our characters has its own unique personality that is different than the person playing it. We are each fleshing out our sword-wielding, fireball-casting alter egos. It's foolish to think that they would have deep bonds with each other when they are figuring themselves out.

As we move forward, the question lingers; Will we be able to create a deep-knitted cast of misfits whose epic adventures will be the stuff of legends? I'm not sure yet. There are a few things that I, and the others, can do to help the process along.

Be curious. Ted Lasso is easily the best thing on TV that I have watched in the past 5 years. If you haven't seen it yet, stop reading immediately and start watching. This article will still be here when you're done. Watch both seasons. It is one of the few shows where the second season is actually as good as the first.

Ok, done watching? The Dart Scene is my favorite, and I've been trying to incorporate it into my life. It's a simple idea so few people, myself included, do regularly. Know that you don't know everything about everyone. Genuinely want to find out more about that other person. We live in a world where it is so easy to jump to a conclusion about someone based on their politics, the clothes they wear, or the character class they play.

Don't be like that.
Be curious.

Ask questions. If you're going to be a curious person, you will need to ask questions. What is their character's backstory? How did that shape the character they became today? Why do they think killing some of the townsfolk is a good idea? The first two questions seem obvious enough, but the third question seems pointless. It's easier to assume that Bob the Barbarian has decided that this is the moment they will fully embrace their murder-hobo nature and become the bad guy.

What can it hurt to take two seconds and ask why? Unless you ask, you may never know that Bob rolled a nat 20 on his Perception check and found out that the peasants he wants to kill are doppelgangers looking to overrun the town. Now it could always be that he just wants to kill something, but in that case, you know his bloodlust is high and hopefully steer him to the closest dungeon you can find.

Actively Listen. So you've been curious and asked questions. Now comes the most important step of them all.

Really listen.

I have written about the importance of listening in several other articles, and it is singlehandedly the most important thing you can do to foster positive relationships. This applies to almost everything in life, whether at the table or with your significant other. Put down the phone, stop dreaming about slaying the next BBEG, and try to hear what the person talking to you is saying.

You may disagree with what they are saying, and in fact, you may not even understand what they are trying to tell you. Don't just nod your head in fake agreement and move on.

Be curious. Ask more questions. Listen.

Once you understand what the person wants or is trying to accomplish, you can engage in a meaningful conversation. This, in turn, can strengthen the bond between not only the two of you but everyone else that is listening. They will see two people who care enough to find out more and be honest with one another. That's a great way to connect with someone and build the foundation of a lasting relationship.

Nothing in life is perfect. It could be that you find out you want nothing to do with a person or have any part in the crazy plan they are concocting. Take solace in the fact that you can walk away and know that you put your best foot forward and honestly tried to connect with that person. Trust me, you're a better person for it.

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