Nov 25

Nov 25 A Player's Guide to Artifacts III

Additional Artifact Articles
A Player’s Guide to Artifacts I
A Player’s Guide to Artifacts II

Continuing with our look at artifacts, it’s become apparent that not all artifacts are created equal. Newer artifacts tend to be less potent than those that originated in the earlier edition. I’m thankful the 5th edition stays true to such items as the Hand of Vecna, must it’s been disappointing so far regarding artifacts found in the newer publications. Many are specific to an adventure they’ve been found in or lack overall substance and power. Hopefully, we’ll see that change as we push forward in this look at everyone’s favorite magical items.

Once again, here’s the grading system used, and each item is given an overall A-F letter grade.

Excellent - This is the reason why you crave this item.
Good - A strong property that’s useful daily.
Meh - Positive that does little or negative that’s annoying but manageable.
Ugh - You still want the item but plan on it being an ongoing issue.
F*&k me - You may want to think twice about attuning to this item.

Luba’s Tarokka of Souls
Wondrous item, Artifact (requires attunement)

Not all lingering spirits are tragic souls, lost on their way to the hereafter. Some languish as prisoners, souls so wicked mortals dare not free them upon an unsuspecting afterlife.
Created by a figure of Vistani legend, Luba’s Tarokka of Souls shaped the destiny of countless heroes. The prophecies of this deck of cards also revealed great evils and guided its creator into the path of nefarious forces. Untold times the deck’s creator, Mother Luba, narrowly escaped doom, spared only by her keen insights. But even for her, not all wickedness could be escaped. In the most dire cases, Mother Luba managed to ensnare beings of pure evil amid the strands of fate, imprisoning them within her tarroka deck. There these foul spirits dwell still, trapped within a nether-realm hidden amid shuffling cards, waiting for fate to turn foul— as it inevitably will.
The creator of the Tarokka of Souls, Mother Luba was one of the most influential leaders of the Vistani. For untold generations, the Vistani have wandered the Shadowfell, which includes terrifying demiplanes like the vampire-haunted realm of Barovia. These travelers have learned many secrets of these domains and encountered countless others wandering amid the Shadowfell’s horrors. Most Vistani bands accept well-intentioned wayfarers from diverse walks and of disparate origins, embracing any who seek to find a home amid the endless roads and vistas hidden amid the mists.
A halfling Vistani, Mother Luba led one of the largest groups of Vistani in the Shadowfell. She hailed from the same world that Count Strahd von Zarovich and Madam Eva came from, and she created a community of kindness and resilience—ever rare to find in the Plane of Shadow. She led her people in welcoming strangers, feeding the hungry, and defying the cruel. She and Madam Eva were once friends, until Madam Eva began bargaining with the creatures of the night. “We may wander amid the shadows,” Mother Luba said. “But we must ever serve as a light to our fellow travelers.”
Some years ago, Mother Luba disappeared into the mists, leaving behind only the Tarokka of Souls. It is said that if you draw the Mists card from it, you can hear the whispers of her kind voice.
Like all tarokka decks, the Tarokka of Souls is a lavishly illustrated collection of fifty-four cards, comprising the fourteen cards of the high deck and forty other cards divided into four suits: coins, glyphs, stars, and swords.

The lore is broken into two parts in the item's description. The first part is specific to the item with a passing reference to its namesake. Fortunately, there is a decent bit of background on Mother Luba. I appreciate this since she is a new individual (as far as I can find) that is related to Strahd and the Shadowfell.

Random Properties. The Tarroka of Souls has two minor beneficial and two minor detrimental properties. Nothing to see here, so let's move on. - Meh

Spells. You get six spells you can cast each day. They are spells you will most likely not have on your spell list unless you find someone's spell book and copy them over. The problem is none of the spells is anything to write home about. They include (save DC 18) from it: comprehend languages, detect evil and good, detect magic, detect poison and disease, locating object, or scrying (save DC 18). They can be helpful for sure, but when scrying is the best spell on the list, it's hard to get excited. - Good

Enduring Vision. Automatic success on Constitution saving throws made to maintain your concentration would be incredible if it extended to more than divination spells. Still, it fits the theme, so it's easy to understand why this is it. - Good

Twist of Fate. This is the primary power of the artifact. It sounds neat to be able to twist someone's fate. You can do so in both a positive and negative way. The positive effect on your friends and allies is called Weal. It grants the recipient advantage on attack rolls, ability checks, and saving throws for an hour. The negative is Woe, which is the opposite of Weal, causing disadvantage on attack rolls, ability checks, and saving throws for the next hour. An hour is at least one combat situation, possibly two if you are straight-up dungeon diving.

The deck can be used twice daily, setting you up to have the big bad guy knocked down a few pegs. You'll have to decide which of the party members it makes the most sense to grant Weal if you go that direction. It could be the cleric if you're fighting undead or need lots of healing. A melee heavy would mean the fighter or barbarian, and creatures susceptible to spells would have you making the wizard, warlock, or sorcerer happy. - Excellent

Prisoners of Fate. If you think this artifact sounds too good, you'd be right. Using Twist of Fate comes at a cost, which can be pretty costly depending on how the dice gods are treating you. Remember when the description spoke of the souls that Mother Luba trapped within the cards? There's a fourteen percent chance one of those souls can escape when you use the deck's primary power. Roll d100 and consult the Souls of the Tarokka table. If you roll between a one and fourteen, a soul is freed and is pissed.

The power and strength of the monster released range wildly. You could set a relatively tame mummy or a fearsome death knight. You're not the one that will have to worry about the released soul's rage since it appears at a random location within 10d10 miles of you. The soul will immediately lay waste to all living creatures and continues to do so until destroyed. To compound this problem, the creature benefits from Weal, and you and the original target of Twist of Fate suffer the effect of Woe. If you care less about setting an evil spirit free into the world to kill anyone it runs across, then you have nothing to worry about after an hour. It's not like the DM will somehow have you run across the creature at some later point in the campaign… - Ugh

Shuffling Fate. Make sure to use the Twist of Fate power at least once per seven days. If you don't, you lose attunement. To reattune, someone else must attune to it and use the Twist of Fate power on you. Hopefully, you've learned your lesson and let that person keep it. - Ugh

Destroying the Artifact. Once all fourteen souls are released from the tarokka, the deck is destroyed, but only after releasing a fifteenth and final soul from the Nether Card. It's a lich, and if you don't feel bad about a lich wandering around the countryside doing lich things, change your alignment to evil, or at the very least, admit you're a jerk. - Ugh

Overall Grade: B. The Tarokka of Fate is a fun artifact to use. Great power comes at a great cost. That's the way it should be. More than throwing in a significant detrimental property is needed sometimes. If nothing else, you get to roll more dice.

Mask of the Dragon Queen
Wondrous item, Artifact (requires attunement)

This artifact revolves around the Tyranny of Dragons storyline in the two adventures, Hoard of the Dragon Queen and Rise of Tiamat. You can use the mask in any campaign, but I've never seen it appear outside of an ongoing campaign that already ran both the adventure books.

The mask is not a stand-alone item. To create the artifact, you must find and combine at least two of the five dragon masks. There is a mask for each chromatic dragon, each with its own powers. The masks are legendary items that require attunement:

Black Dragon Mask. Its damage type is acid. You can breathe underwater.

Blue Dragon Mask. Its damage type is lightning. You'll want to have the lightning bolt spell memorized every day. When you deal lightning damage to a creature, it can't take reactions until its next turn.

Green Dragon Mask. Its damage type is poison. You can breathe underwater.

Red Dragon Mask. Its damage type is fire. If you deal fire damage to a creature or flammable object, it starts burning. At the start of each of its turns, a creature burning in this way takes 1d6 fire damage. A creature that can reach the burning target can use an action to extinguish the fire. If you've ever complained that a fireball should set creatures and clothes on fire, this is the mask for you.

White Dragon Mask. Its damage type is cold. When your current hit points are equal to or less than half your hit point maximum, you deal an extra 1d8 cold damage with your melee attacks.

Having a single mask may not give you an artifact, but you should be pretty happy as every mask has the following properties:

Damage Absorption. You have resistance against the mask's damage type. Bummed since you're a tiefling and already have resistance to fire? Turn that frown upside down; you now have immunity to that damage type. Sad because you're wearing a periapt of proof against poison and immune to poison? Don't be. When you're hit, you take none of that damage and regain hit points equal to half the damage dealt of that type. - Excellent

Draconic Majesty. While wearing no armor, you can add your Charisma bonus to your Armor Class. Wizards and monks everywhere rejoice. Everyone else shrugs. - Good

Dragon Breath. If you have a breath weapon that requires rest to recharge, it gains a recharge of 6. This one's for you Dragonborn characters. - Good

Dragon Sight. You gain darkvision out to 60 feet. If you already have this trait, to an additional 60 feet if you already have that sense. In addition, once daily, you can gain blindsight out to 30 feet for 5 minutes. Extending the darkvision range is excellent since many races already have this trait. It can't be overstated how amazing five minutes of blindsense is. - Excellent

Dragon Tongue. You can speak and understand Dragon Tongue. Isn't this draconic? Apparently not. - Meh

Draconic. You also have advantage on any Charisma check you make against dragons that share the mask's color. Unless you're a high-level character or dealing with a young dragon, I advise against attempting to intimidate a dragon. - Meh

Legendary Resistance (1/Day). If you fail a saving throw, you can choose to succeed instead. - Excellent

Mask of the Dragon Queen Properties. When you combine two or more masks and have your precious artifact, you can only have any of the properties of a single mask. It is a bit of a bummer that they don't stack. The Damage Absorption of each mask does, however, and you also gain five uses of the Legendary Resistance property. Some combination of resistance and immunity to five types of damage is excellent. Ignoring up to five critical hits or death blows a day is freaking amazing. - Excellent

Overall Grade: A. The Mask of the Dragon Queen makes me want to run through both adventures. An artifact with no detrimental properties and grows in power as you move forward is impressive. The only downside is the creatures that possess the masks aren't going to give them to you, and defeating them can prove challenging.

Mighty Servant of Leuk-o
Wondrous item, Artifact (requires attunement)

Named for the warlord who infamously employed it, the Mighty Servant of Leuk-o is a fantastically powerful, 10-foot-tall machine that turns into an animate construct when piloted. Crafted of a gleaming black alloy of unknown origin, the servant is often described as a combination of a disproportioned dwarf and an oversized beetle. The servant contains enough space for 1 ton of cargo and a crew compartment within, from which up to two Medium creatures can control it—and potentially execute a spree of unstoppable destruction.
Tales of the servant’s origins involve more conjecture than fact, often referring to otherworldly beings, the mysterious Barrier Peaks in Oerth, and the supposedly related device known as the Machine of Lum the Mad. The best details on the device’s origins and operation can be found in the Mind of Metal, a tome of artificer’s secrets that connects the device to the traditions of the lost Olman people, and which was written by Lum the Mad’s several times over granddaughter, Lum the Maestro, while she reconstructed the long disassembled Mighty Servant of Leuk-o.

This is one of my favorite artifacts. You and a friend get to control a 10-foot-tall jaeger of unknown origin and massive destructive power. There's just enough lore to make it enjoyable, and it ties into another legendary artifact, the Machine of Lum the Mad. Tasha's Cauldron of Everything is putting my opening paragraph complaints to rest, and I couldn't be happier.

Dangerous Attunement. Attuning to the artifact is more complicated than your typical magic item. Two people can be attuned to the mighty servant at once, which makes sense since two people can be inside to operate it. It takes double the time, two hours, to complete attunement, but you can do this as part of a long rest. During this process, you must be inside the mighty servant, messing around with the control. One has to assume it's no small feat learning how to operate the machine, so think of the attunement process as time spent reading the instruction manual.

Your friends sleeping outside the mighty servant should take their long rest far away or face the consequences. While you're fiddling with the controls, creatures or structures outside and within 50 feet of the servant have a 25 percent chance of being the target of a Destructive Fist attack. A right jab by the mighty servant delivers 4d12 damage. That's quite the rude awakening when you are taking a nap. - Ugh

Controlling the Servant. The artifact is a giant paperweight until someone climbs inside to control it. If you're attuned to the artifact, you can open the entry hatch with no problem. If not, you have to make a successful DC 25 Dexterity check using thieves' tools or have someone cast the knock spell. Once the hatch is opened, it requires 10 feet of movement to get inside and situated. You'll have total cover while inside.

Using the controls allows you to open or close the hatch and move the servant up to its speed with no action required. As an action, you can command the servant to take one of the actions in its stat block or some other activity. (The stat block for the servant is above) Finally, the mighty servant can use its reaction whenever the chance for an attack of opportunity arises. You're now in charge of your very own jaeger. Have fun! - Excellent

The Mighty Servant of Leuk-o Stat Block. You can check out the stat block above, but it's worth touching based on each of its traits over and above the crazy number of resistances and immunities it has.

Immutable Existence. No need to worry about being banished to your home plane or someone polymorphing the mighty servant into a squirrel.
Magic Resistant Construction. The mighty servant's AC 22 is fantastic and has a ridiculous 310 hit points. If that wasn't enough, it has an advantage on saving throws against spells and other magical effects, and spell attacks against it have disadvantage. A disintegrate spell can still hurt, but the chances of that happening are drastically reduced.
Regeneration. Regaining ten hit points every round makes me wonder if the artifact has troll blood being used as an oil substitute. It's also nice to know you can repair the mighty servant after it's taken a beating.
Standing Leap. That's just an insane amount of jumping ability.
Destructive Fist. No complaining about only getting one attack per round when that attack is made at +17 to hit and does 4d12 damage.
Crushing Leap. It has to be a chilling sight to see a ten-foot-tall metal war machine's feet headed straight towards your head from twenty-five feet above.

There is nothing not to love about any of this. I wonder why anyone would get out of the mighty servant other than to grab a pint or go to the bathroom. - Excellent x 100

Ghost in the Machine. When the force that animates your giant death machine is that of an ancient warlord, things are bound to go wrong occasionally. It should be no surprise that once every 24 hours, the servant, at the DM's discretion, takes one action while no one is inside. If you allow the mighty servant to drop under 156 hit points, things get really dicey. When the artifact loses half its hit points or more, those attuned to it must succeed on a DC 20 Wisdom saving throw or be charmed for 24 hours. This isn't any average charm effect because you use your jaeger to go on a rampage. While charmed, you'll lay waste to everyone and everything not attuned to the mighty servant, beginning with anyone threatening the artifact. If you think climbing out of the mighty servant solves this problem, you're wrong. The attuned individuals will continue to rampage, using their weapons and spells instead of the giant metal fist. - Ugh

Self-Destruct. Like all great machines, there is a way to blow it up. You'll need a self-destruct code only the DM knows, two attuned crew members, three rounds, and a successful save against the Ghost in the Machine property. If you manage to get through the entire process, the results can be spectacular, depending on your point of view and relative position to the mighty servant.

Everyone in a 100-foot-radius sphere centered on the servant must make a DC 25 Dexterity saving throw. Failure results in you taking 87 (25d6) force damage, 87 (25d6) lightning damage, and 87 (25d6) thunder damage, or half on a successful save. Structures and objects take 3X that amount of damage. This will probably result in creatures taking even more damage as buildings fall on top of them. And what about those lucky individuals inside the mighty servant? They are instantly obliterated, with no speck of hair or skin available to resurrect you with.

The mighty servant does have what I fondly refer to as the Iron Giant property. If you've ever seen the movie, stop reading this article and go watch it immediately. Blowing up the mighty servant doesn't actually destroy it. Between two and twelve days later, its parts fall from the sky. The left arm, left leg, right arm, right leg, lower torso, and upper torso will land in random places within 1,000 miles of the explosion. If brought within 5 feet of one another, the pieces reconnect and reform the servant. Maybe your new character can attune to it. I'm not giving this a grade since going out in a blaze of explosive glory is excellent, but having to create a new character isn't.

Destroying the Artifact. There are two options if you're crazy enough to give up the mighty servant. You can activate the self-destruct sequences successfully and then melt down the separate pieces in one of the forge temples of its ancient Olman creators. Your second option is to find the Machine of Lum the Mad and punch it with the mighty servant causing both artifacts to explode dramatically. The explosion is three times the size and the damage as the self-destruct property.

Overall Grade: B+. The Mighty Servant of Leuk-O should be closer to a solid A, but the possibility of demolishing everything in sight for 24 hours takes it down a notch. It breaks my heart not to give it an A grade. Of course, it wouldn't stop my character from immediately attuning to the mighty servant and stomping on my enemy's head.

Orb of Dragonkind
Wondrous Item, Artifact (requires attunement)

Ages past, elves and humans waged a terrible war against evil dragons. When the world seemed doomed, powerful wizards came together and worked their greatest magic, forging five Orbs of Dragonkind (or Dragon Orbs) to help them defeat the dragons. One orb was taken to each of the five wizard towers, and there they were used to speed the war toward a victorious end. The wizards used the orbs to lure dragons to them, then destroyed the dragons with powerful magic.
As the wizard towers fell in later ages, the orbs were destroyed or faded into legend, and only three are thought to survive. Their magic has been warped and twisted over the centuries, so although their primary purpose of calling dragons still functions, they also allow some measure of control over dragons.
Each orb contains the essence of an evil dragon, a presence that resents any attempt to coax magic from it. Those lacking in force of personality might find themselves enslaved to an orb.
An orb is an etched crystal globe about 10 inches in diameter. When used, it grows to about 20 inches in diameter, and mist swirls inside it.

Not much on the lore front for the dragon orbs, but at least we get some history. Evil dragons are bad. Wizards, taking a break from creating horrifying creatures, make orbs to defeat dragons. Dragons are sad. There can always be more, as far as I'm concerned, but I'll take what I can get.

Attunement. Another artifact where attuning to the item is more than spending an hour getting to know your new toy. The process is safe enough, but once you're attuned, you must peer into the little round ball and make a Charisma check. Succeed, and the orb is under your control. Fail, and you are charmed by the orb and remain that way until the attunement ends. The dragon essence inside isn't going to let that happen. The orb will continue to cast the suggestion spell on you when charmed. Evil dragons love evil deeds, and you are the one that can commit them for the orb. Look on the bright side; you don't have to change your alignment.

Random Properties. An Orb of Dragonkind has two minor beneficial properties, one minor detrimental property, and one major detrimental property. Detrimental properties win out, but just by a little. - Meh

Spells. The orbs provide some solid spells; with 7 charges, you can cast a good number of them each day. The spells you can cast from it are (save DC 18) cure wounds (5th-level version, 3 charges), daylight (1 charge), death ward (2 charges), or scrying (3 charges). You can also cast detect magic without expending a charge.

Cure wounds strike me as odd, but don't take that as a complaint. Being able to heal up to forty hit points twice daily is excellent. Death ward is an underrated spell; you can forgo the heals and protect up to three people from death…at least for a little while. Throw in unlimited magic detection, and you've got some fantastic spells. - Excellent

Call Dragons. There may be better ideas than summoning evil dragons, but you can do it with an orb. All evil dragons within forty miles are compelled to answer the orb's call as quickly as possible. Calling them doesn't mean you can control them, and there is a good chance the dragons will be friendly toward you. If you're smart, you will use this property sparingly and will have to rely on the GM to devise a reason for you to do so. - Meh

Destroying the Artifact. It's nowhere as difficult as most other artifacts. A simple disintegrate spell or hard smack from a +3 weapon will shatter it into a million pieces.

Overall Grade: C. Other than the spells, there isn't much to this artifact. Call all nearby evil dragons to you once an hour may sound tempting but dealing with the consequences, which could easily involve violence, should make it easy to resist.

Orrery the Wanderer
Wondrous Item, Artifact (requires attunement)

This delicate and exquisitely crafted clockwork orrery features multiple geared components whose sweeping hands and dials represent the complex interplay of planar and magical realms. Standing two feet high, the orrery housing is a wondrous device imbued with magic of its own, but the power of its six clockwork components makes the artifact even more potent.
The Orrery of the Wanderer was created by a renowned clockwork mage known only as Lottie. She crafted the relic as a means of tapping into the power of the planes, and to channel the divination and foretelling powers of the stars. But Lottie soon realized that her creation was far more powerful than she had intended. As it tapped into planar magic, the orrery began to manifest the darkness and malevolence inherent to some of the planes. Eventually, it would impress upon its owner a desire to open portals into the most cursed and dangerous worlds, including the Far Realm.
To prevent the orrery from ever being so used, Lottie scattered the components that powered it, secreting them across the world. But the orrery’s instinct for survival is strong, and its components have a way of inexorably coming together over decades or centuries, found by treasure hunters, stolen by monsters, found and stolen again — and moving closer to each other all the time.

I didn't realize that the sourcebook Acquisitions Incorporated was considered part of core D&D. I'm glad it is because the wanderer is a fantastic artifact. There's some good lore for this new creation. I'm hoping they will talk about the mysterious Lottie somewhere down the road, but I'm not holding my breath. Such treatment is usually reserved for individuals with more exotic names than Lottie.

Random Properties. The orrery has two minor beneficial properties, one major beneficial property, and one major detrimental property. While it's a 3-to-1 split, dealing will a major detriment can be a pain, depending on what it is. Add that they only work randomly until you've completed building the orrery and the properties lose some of their lusters. - Meh

Future Echoes. A +1 bonus to your AC. - Good

Into the Void. Another alignment change, but not to evil. Over time, your alignment changes to chaotic neutral. In addition, you have the compulsion to travel to, engage with, and explore the most dangerous planar realms. This would be alright if you felt driven to head off to the Astral Plane instead of the depths of Pandemonium. - Ugh

Master of Travel. When completed, you gain spells! The orrery has seven charges, and you can cast the following (save DC 17): contact other plane (3 charges), demiplane (6 charges), gate (7 charges), plane shift (5 charges), or teleportation circle (3 charges). They are charge-heavy spells, but all quite powerful. - Excellent

The Sum of Its Parts. Quests abound to recover all six pieces needed to build the orrery. You can attune to the orrery's components individually. If attuned to an individual component, you must have it in your hands to use a property. A creature can also attune to the orrery and all the components installed in it. This property is powerful because attuning to an installed component doesn't count against the number of magic items you can typically attune to.

Destroying the Artifact. There's no way to destroy the artifact or any pieces. If you don't want it to be used, you'll have to take it apart and hide all the parts to the best of your abilities. Don't do that. Just keep it for yourself.

Overall Grade: A+. Other than the one major detrimental property, this item(s) is about as good as it gets. After reviewing the six components listed below, you'll get a clearer picture of why I gave this an A+. The biggest problem you'll have is finding all the pieces and which ones to attune to as you gather more. The Orrery of the Wanderer is now my new favorite artifact. I want one.

The Six Components of the Orrery of the Wanderer

Part of a Whole. Each of the components below has this property. Only when all the pieces are put together the item may work, or the DM can throw in a side effect of its use. The side effect could be positive, but I am confident they won't be.

Chronolometer
Wondrous Item, Very Rare (requires attunement)

General Properties. A +1 bonus to Intelligence saving throws. Choose one language you don't know. You know that language while attuned to the device. - Good

Time Bandit. You get to manipulate time without using an action. You can use this property once daily. Roll a d6. On a 1–3, you slow down time. You gain an additional action on your turn and double your speed until the end of the turn. On a 4–6, you go forward in time to warn yourself of what is to come. The next time you fail a saving throw, attack roll, or ability check, you can reroll the check and take either result. The random nature of this property isn't great when you're in the heat of battle and trying to gain an extra action. You can always take solace in rerolling a failed to save against a fireball. - Good

Fate Swap. I love reactions. Your friends will love your reactions, too, when you use this property. When someone takes damage, they gain an immediate action. You can use this once daily. A chance to retaliate or run away can be the difference between life or death for your friend or the beholder you're fighting. - Excellent

Overall Grade: B+

Dimensional Loop
Wondrous Item, Very Rare (requires attunement)

General Properties. A +1 bonus to Strength saving throws. You gain darkvision out to a range of 60 feet. If you already have darkvision, its range increases by 30 feet. - Good

Dimensional Cloak. A once-per-day property that takes a bonus action. I thought this was a bastardized blink spell, but that's not right. You don't leave the plane you are on entirely, but partly phase out of existence. Doing so has enemies attacking at disadvantage and grants you advantage on Dexterity (Stealth) checks made to hide. The effect lasts an entire minute, which is an eternity in combat. - Excellent

Fold Space. Another once-a-day property, and it requires no actions. You can warp to any space within 60 feet until the end of your turn without incurring attacks of opportunity. The description describes it as you treat that space as if it were within 5 feet of you. It also says, so it is like you have extend-o arms, or does the item have a mini dimension door property? No matter. You can interact with objects or creatures in that space as though they were next to you. When a crossbow won't cut it, or you want to be the first to hit the bad guy with your shiny sword, it's time to activate this property. - Good

Overall Grade: B+

Far Gear
Wondrous Item, Very Rare (requires attunement)

General Properties. A +1 bonus to Charisma saving throws, and you have advantage on Charisma (Intimidation) checks. - Good

Aberrant Ally. The property is essentially a conjure aberration spell if one existed. It has all the traits of the conjure celestial spell except for two major differences. First, you summon gibbering mouthers or grells instead of a pegasus. Second, there's no concentration required. The property can be used once per day. - Excellent.

Unnatural Bane. You can cast the bane spell (save DC 15), but it affects as many creatures as you want within 30 feet of you. The property can be used once per day. - Excellent

Overall Grade: A-

Rotor of Return
Wondrous Item, Very Rare (requires attunement)

General Properties. A +1 bonus to Constitution saving throws, and you have clear flashbacks of events within the last thirty days. Not sure that's always a good thing, especially if you're a party of murder hobos. - Meh

Borrow Object. You can summon any mundane item from the equipment list in the Player's Handbook with a value of 50 gp or less. The item cannot belong to anyone meaning you cannot summon the sword from the hands of the creature in front of you. The item remains for ten minutes and returns to the mysterious general store in the sky. The property can be used once per day. It's helpful if you need 50 feet of rope or a bag of ball bearings. Overall, it's an underwhelming property compared to the other pieces of the orrery. - Meh

Recall Code. You have to use an action and a bonus action for the property, but not in the same round. The action is to lock in your current location. Anytime later, as long as you are within 500 feet of the locked-in site, you can use a bonus action to teleport back. Think of it as a dimension door spell combined with a dash of the teleportation circle spell. Using it in combat will take you entirely out of the fight. That will most likely annoy your comrades. More distance is needed to get you out of the bottom of a dungeon. The property can be used once per day. It's pretty good, but that's the highest praise I can muster. - Good

Overall Grade: C. They can't all be winners.

Timepiece of Travel
Wondrous Item, Very Rare (requires attunement)

General Properties. A +1 bonus to Dexterity saving throws, and you always know which way is north. Additionally, you can cast the longstrider spell on yourself at will. I could care less about knowing which way is north. Besides Wisdom saves, I'm constantly rolling Dexterity saves, and a +1 is appreciated. Unlimited casting of longstrider and the 10 feet of movement it grants gives you more battlefield control, the ability to get in and out of a creature's reach, and lead the way as you flee from the clan of kobolds chasing you. - Excellent

Turn-by-Turn Directions. Got lost on the way to your favorite tavern? As long as you're within 10 miles of it, an omnipotent voice (better known as the GM) will provide you with the fastest and safest route back. The safest way doesn't mean you'll know about monsters, enemies, traps, locked doors, etc., so be on your toes. The property can be used once per day.

The benefits of this property are twofold. If you need to get out of a dungeon but didn't make a map as you were heading down, this property can get you out quickly and relatively safely. Second, turn-by-turn can function as a limited tracking property. Maybe you know the location of your quarry but not the best route to get to them. Turn-by-turn can get you there the fastest way possible. Fast is better since you'll want to arrive before your target can move on. - Meh

Get Away From It All. As an action, you can cast the teleport spell. Why mess with the previous two properties when you and eight friends can be transported wherever you need to go? Sure, there's some risk, but it beats the heck out of walking. The property can be used once per day. - Excellent

Overall Grade: B. It would be higher, but two mediocre-at-best properties balance out two great ones.

Wheel of Stars
Wondrous Item, Very Rare (requires attunement)

General Properties. A +1 bonus to Wisdom saving throws. They are the most common saving throw, so every little bit counts. In addition, you can use an action to cast the dancing lights, guidance, or message cantrips. Extra spells are always good. Guidance is a good use of an action if you've got nothing else you can do in combat or are checking for treasure, secret doors, or traps. - Good

Portent of the Stars. Another reaction property! When a creature you can see within 60 feet of you makes an attack roll, saving throw, or ability check, you make that creature roll a d10 and add or subtract the number rolled (your choice) from the roll. The property can be used once per day. It's more potent than you may initially think. The property doesn't specify when you have to roll the d10. Use it after the roll every time. - Excellent

Alter Gravity. Use an action to cast fly on yourself, or you can cast levitate (save DC 15). The property can be used once per day. - Good

Overall Grade: A-. The Wisdom save bonus bumps it up from a B+.

Whew! What I thought would be a fast five artifacts turned into eleven! I’m off to read Acquisition Incorporated since I never got around to it, and I’m in love with the Orrey of the Wanderer. Until next week dear readers, keep yourself and your characters safe.

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