Feb 18

Feb 18 In Defense of the Grognard

There are two of us here at Dump Stat, myself (Chris) and Stephen. Stephen is the younger of us, turning 30 in less than a month, while I will celebrate my 53rd birthday later this year. We feel it brings a unique perspective to what we do, a nice blend of the old and new when talking about D&D. Even though we agree on most things, we've come to respect each other's outlook on what we don't. As stubborn as we both are, it hasn't always been easy. On rare occasions, we cannot come to a middle ground. We agree to disagree and move on. It's shocking to us that we can act like adults.

In my mind's eye, I wake up many mornings thinking I am still in my late 20's until I look in the bathroom mirror and immediately realize I am not. If I stumble by the bathroom into the kitchen, I will be greeted by two seemingly unaware interlopers. It may take a second or two, but I will eventually realize these are my teenage children, affirming what I knew in the recesses of my brain.

I'm old.

I don't think of myself this way, but the two pesky children living here and eating all the food will assuredly remind me that I am, in fact, old. They don't know or care about my awesome 80's movies quotes. My music is apparently out of date. According to them, there are so many things I don't understand about the world today. They can't be bothered to talk to me about their lives. To them, the older you get, the less in touch you are. I've tried to argue my case but have found myself outmanned, outgunned, and falling back on tired parent cliches. Now I just nod and wonder how the hell I got here.

Please note that I know my kids are awesome, and I wouldn't trade them for anything in the known universe. Of course, they'd probably trade me for a coke and a bag of chips which, in their defense, is a good trade.

In the roleplaying world, the young have taken over the D&D landscape, and that is fantastic. When it comes to playing D&D, I like to think of myself as an elder statesman of sorts. For the game to stay popular and relevant, there need to be people to teach them the game so they can hopefully fall in love with it. This said it's a two-way street. I've been playing on and off for over 35 years. I know way more about 1e than I probably ever will about the 5th edition. When I got back into the game five years ago, I leaned heavily on Stephen and others to get up to speed. The game was at its core the same, but the rules and mechanics have changed a great deal. It was an immense help to know I could rely on them to get me up to speed.

There are people in my generation far less than excited about the current state of the game and its newfound popularity. One of my first posts on Dump Stat was about the D&D old guard and their role in the game then and now. To be clear, I am in no way endorsing the gatekeeping and abuse that some people bring to the table. It has absolutely no place in the community, or for that fact, the world. I can't tell you why these people act the way they do. I can only share my own experiences to maybe shed a glimmer of light on why the grognards are protective of the game.

Playing D&D when I was 13 years old was a blessing and a curse. It was like being in a secret club with some good friends. We talked about it in hushed tones, and while I never denied that I played the game, it wasn't something I was going to tell anyone either. The common refrain you hear is the kids would play D&D in their basement. Where else were you going to play? There were no school clubs or nearby game stores to play at.

Today's world is a clusterfuck of epic proportions, and the genuinely frightening things kids have to worry about are more than anyone should have to deal with. So when I say that I got beat up as a teenager for playing D&D it may sound silly. But I did. Repeatedly. It didn't help that I was short and had a really big mouth, and once people found out that I was 'that kind of a nerd,' it put a target on my back. I did my best to avoid trouble, but when it did come my way, I couldn't help but run my mouth until punches were thrown. I lost more than I won but I refused to back down. Trust me, it's not as romantic as it may seem. Life isn't a movie, and I ended up with the scars to prove it.

In response, I became very protective of the game and my friends with whom I played. Was it gatekeeping? Yep, it sure was. If I was going to take crap repeatedly, then in my mind, I got to dictate who got to play the source of my love and pain. D&D was ours, and we'd be damned if someone was going to take it for themselves. Before you run off and judge me, remember I was no more than 16 years old when this happened.

When you have just one person acting this way, not much happens. When an entire group of people is in the same situation and have the same response, you end up suffocating the very thing you are trying to protect. Behaviors are hard to change. We see some people in my age group not wanting to share the game they've spent trying to protect. The problem is when you ask people who they are trying to save the game from. Why do they feel they can't share it? What's the harm in talking about D&D to people and explaining how awesome it is? There aren't any good answers to these questions.

I know it may seem difficult to understand. The image that pops up in my head is that of a child screaming "MINE," and if I'm being honest, that's precisely what it is. Restricting who I think can play the game is stupid, foolish, and idiotic. It's the behavior of a small mind. I've done my best to change my thinking, and while I can still be a little judgemental, it's reserved for edgelords and murder hobos (Joking, not joking). By not reaching out to others and seeing if they would be interested in playing, the pool of players starts to shrink. It shouldn't matter who they are, what they believe, or what they look like. It's one of the reasons I love the D&D community now. The majority are welcoming and actively recruit others to try it out.

When you love something, you're protective of it, maybe even a bit smothering…just ask my kids. But like my children, I have to believe they can survive and thrive without me looming. It brings me incredible joy that the game has become mainstream. Anyone can use their imagination, slaying monsters and roleplaying the crap out of their gnome wizard.

We old players sure as hell aren't perfect, but we can change.

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