Nov 26

Nov 26 Fun Facts - Spells Edition

It's Thanksgiving week, which means my schedule is more hectic than usual. I haven't a lot of time to think about what to write, let alone actually write. I looked back through some of the older articles for inspiration and started reading the For Your Consideration series. I don't have the time to research spells in-depth enough to post another in the series, but it did give me an idea.

Spells can do all sorts of things. They can bring you back from the brink of death, or in some cases, death itself. Some can make you laugh in the face of fire, cold, maces, swords, and at higher levels, pretty much everything, at least for a short amount of time. There are explosions of fire, lightning bolts to fry you, and beams of radiant light summoned from above. But spells are a quirky bunch too. The wording can be misleading or confusing. Some spells leave you unfilled as you think they should do more, while others make you wonder why anyone would waste the ink to put it in their spell book.

So today's fun facts list is all about spells, the fun, deadly, and sometimes just plain odd. Fireball is always a blast (pun intended), but who is this Aganazzar character, and why can he shoot a line of flame from his fingertips?

The Elemental Evil Player's Companion has two spells named after individuals you've probably never heard of. Don't worry; no one else has either. Abi-Dalzim's horrid wilting sucks the water out of everyone in a 30-foot radius to the tune of 12d8 necrotic damage. Snilloc's snowball, and you watch as snowballs explode in a 5-foot sphere and do 3d6 cold damage. I don't know about you, but I'd rather watch my enemies turn into mummies right before my eyes rather than throw snowballs at them.
Other than having his name on a spell, Abi-Dalzim is mentioned in just one sourcebook (or at least that I could find).
"Perhaps the most notorious of these elemental mages is the despicable Abi-Dalzim. A student of rare and unusual water magic, Abi-Dalzim devised the watery double spell and the vile incantation known as horrid wilting. Abi-Dalzim is a short, wizened human of advanced years, with a long, white beard and a bejeweled turban. Cruel, imperious, and hungry for ever greater magical power, Abi-Dalzim makes his home in a half-buried necropolis lost in the sands of the great southern deserts. He pays close attention to other wizards, whom he views as potential rivals, and has been known to ambush heroes after they have recovered rare magical treasures, taking what he wants from their desiccated corpses."
Heroes of the Elemental Chaos pg. 112
In short, Abi-Dalzim is a giant asshole with a water fetish who would stab you in the back and rob your corpse. Sounds like a great guy.
Snilloc is even worse. The only information I could find on this wizard was in a Dragon Talk podcast from 2018. Chris Perkins says that we only know about Snilloc because he went to Sakkara, a desert in the Forgotten Realms setting. So the guy that created a snowball spell thinks that going off to the desert is a good idea. I know we joke, but I'm honestly beginning to think that Gary Gygax, Ed Greenwood, and the other prominent D&D writers in the early editions were constantly high.
Blur is an underrated spell. If I'm a wizard, I sure as heck want creatures to have a disadvantage when attacking me.
One last thing about named spells before we move on. There are seven new spells in the latest sourcebook Fizban's Treasury of Dragons. Five of the seven are named spells - Ashardalon's stride, Fizban's platinum shield, Nathair's mischief, Raulothim's psychic lance, and Rime's binding ice. I know who none of these wizards are except Fizban, and that's because I had to look him up for our recent podcast.
Conjure animals is a 3rd level spell that allows you to summon up fey spirits in the form of beasts up to CR 2. Why are they fey spirits? The Conjure Fey spell already exists, and you can summon up at creature up to CR 6. You're telling me as an all-powerful Druid, I can't call forth an actual wolf, bear, or even frog?
That's bullshit.
I never realized that the Sea Hag was a woodland creature. If I'm wrong, then why can I summon one with conjure woodland creatures?
When you cast a summoning spell, the rules state that you call forth the spirit of something. When you cast a conjuring spell, you summon whatever it is you are conjuring.
The definition of the word conjure is to call upon (a spirit or ghost) to appear by means of a magic ritual (Oxford Languages). The definition of the word summon is to authoritatively or urgently call on (someone) to be present.
I bring this up because when you cast a summoning spell, you are summoning the spirit of a beast, elemental, demon, and so forth. When you cast a conjuring spell summoning an actual creature.
Everyone has an opinion on what the absolute worst spell in the game is. I'm telling you right now, it's skywrite. You get the privilege of spending a 2nd level spell slot to write a ten-word message in the sky made out of clouds. Ummm…cool? Don't cast it on a windy day because a strong breeze will blow your message away.
Seriously folks, give me one practical reason you'd waste a spell slot on this.
A close second is the spell find traps. It's another 2nd spell that does absolutely nothing for you. Sure, you know there is a trap within 120 feet of you. The spell doesn't tell you its location. It's instantaneous, so your brain sends you a quick message saying "Trap!" and the spell is over. Finally, it needs to be a man-made trap since any sort of natural hazard is not included.
Since you'll have to make a Perception check to find the trap anyway, just skip the casting step and go straight to looking around. Then, when your rogue fails their attempt to disarm it and poisons themselves, you can cast lesser restoration on them. If you want. It is the rogue, after all.
I know the Ranger class gets bashed a lot, but can someone explain why they can cast spells?
Many people think that true strike is the worst spell out there, but it's not if you're playing an arcane trickster. Hiding can be challenging if you're a rogue, and sometimes your friends decide to use their range weapons. Casting true strike grants you the advantage on your attack that you so desperately need. Does it take an action? Sure, but it's a cantrip, has a duration of a minute, allowing you can do this over and over again.
There are a total of seven smite spells available to the paladin. The 5th level banishing smite is an abjuration school spell, while the other six are evocation spells.
A paladin may strike a creature with an action, smite them, then use their bonus action to cast a spell. There is nothing in any of the rules that say that it requires an action of any sort when you smite.
A 17th level paladin with a longsword, with no modifiers and is a non-magical weapon, can smite for 5d8 damage, then follow that up by casting banishing smite for 5d10 damage. That's a maximum of 50 points before you'd even add the weapon damage. And I'm pretty sure a 17th level paladin will have more than just a plain old longsword.
I feel like they missed an opportunity to create new spells for the artificer. If they can make all this cool stuff, they could at least use their magical powers to somehow buff one of their creations. How about a conjure construct spell instead of the summon construct spell, since, well….read numbers 8 and 9 again. I just can't go down that rabbit hole again.
How many times have you had to cast create food and water in your current campaign? In any campaign ever? I'm willing to bet the number is lower than one. You can feed your friends or steeds, but only for 24 hours, and everyone gets 3 pounds of food and 2 gallons of water. It's not even good food. Feels like someone happened to be reading the new testament, thought that this Jesus guy sounded fantastic, and created a spell after him. Since control water, water walking, and resurrection were already spells, conjuring food and water out of thin air was all that was left. At least it isn't named Jesus' Holy Feast.
Why are there not any class-specific spells? At the very least, the primary spellcasters should be afforded the privilege of having a spell that only they can use. Doesn't the wizard deserve spells that only they can use? Wouldn't a cleric's god provide them with a spell that was bestowed upon them and no one else?
I don't care what anyone says. Fireball is still the best low level spell in the game.

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